August 17, 2007

Correspondence between Maybe and Uzi after Uzi’s unfortunate cyst removal and teeth cleaning, (hey, one-stop shopping!):
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Dude,

I am SO feeling your pain! (See attached!) Some advice: MILK IT! I can't stress enough that it is your DUTY to DEMAND attention and LOVE because of this horrific experience. NEVER LET THEM FORGET what you are going through. Trust me, you can get a lot of mileage out of this one, and it is your RIGHT as a CAT to do so! Amen!

Love, Cousin Maybe

P.S. Uh,Clem - that "white kitty" with the scabby nose - sends his regards.

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Dear Cousin Maybe,

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA you look like an ass!!!! I now know what mom means when she says "ass-hat." I'm milkin' it as best I can. It's kinda hard tho when you embarrass yourself by walking into walls, soaking your ass-hat ribbon (causing you to freak yourself out) and getting cat litter stuck in your "hat." There must be some "chick" science to this whole "milking it" thing......me, my ego is just crushed. I am getting lots of attention!!!! And it's kinda funny to watch mom and dad argue over who knows better........dad's really a big softy and if mom would just get the hell outta the house, I know I can convince him to remove the ass-hat! She doesn't look like she's budging tho. Must go work on the science of "Milking it."

Thanks for your kind thoughts and well wishes, cousin Maybe. All my love, and lack of fur.

Uzi (not to be mistaken for oooozie)

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Dear Cousin Uzi,

I'm thinkin' you don't look much better in YOUR "ass hat!"

Yeah, that walking into shit is totally humiliating. But as I earlier advised: NEVER LET THEM FORGET. When you wake them up at 2 AM and they give you that look... two words: Ass Hat! When you need a snack and you need it NOW: Ass Hat. Don't let them live it down! Amen!

Love, Cousin Maybe